I started working with my new coach, Julie, on November 1st. After two years of self-coaching, I decided this past summer that self-coaching is a ludicrous concept for two reasons: (1) you don't have the distance or perspective to talk yourself out of a "taper tantrum" (full credit for this term going to my husband); and (2) you are never going to put a workout on your own calendar that you are truly scared of. Just not going to happen. At least, not in my world.
So after a nice break that was extended by an injury, I started working with Julie last Wednesday. In the days leading up to the Official Start Day, I obsessively checked TrainingPeaks to see what kind of fun (pain) Julie had in store for me. And when the first set of training showed up, I broke out in a huge, massive grin. It - no shit - felt like Christmas morning. I finally had purpose in my life! I was no longer wandering aimlessly week to week! I had a training plan to follow!!!
And then an interesting thing happened. Day one I was great - did everything as specified, buried myself in a bike FTP test (really? even though I just did one in September? wait! no questioning the new coach, dipshit!), and had that beautiful green day in TrainingPeaks. Day two I showed up at master's swim with absolutely nothing in the tank and bailed early - yellow workout. I swore to coach that this is NOT how I normally operate. I did get my strength training done, but also kinda whined about how sore I was going to be.
And then came day three. A day that may live in infamy forever. Two - yes TWO - red workouts. I missed a swim due to life insanity, and then I extended a run because the next day was forecasted to have 20+ mph sustained winds and really, I'm not going to run outside when it's blowing like that. So I just combined the two runs into one. More excuses, more explaining to coach, more promises that this is not how I operate.
Except ... is it?!?!? I've been self-coaching for two years, thinking of myself as an awesome, all-green athlete. One of those people who Julie makes fun of for jumping through hoops to make sure TrainingPeaks is all-green. But maybe I'm not. Maybe over the past two years, what I've actually done is rearrange my workouts as needed in order to create the illusion that I'm an all-green athlete. Maybe self-coaching has allowed me a lot more wiggle room in my training than I realized. Because - reason three to not self-coach - being accountable to yourself is NOT the same as being accountable to someone else.
So, my first (half) week with new coach behind me and a rainbow week on TrainingPeaks the likes of which I have never (knowingly) experienced, I vow to myself to get my shit together. No more excuses. No more whining. The workouts go up, the workouts get done. This week WILL be all green, no matter what it takes.
So, totally appropriately, I turn to my 13-year old daughter and start complaining. My coach is trying to kill me. There's no way I can do this workout. Daughter quite reasonably responds, "So tell your coach you can't do it." What?!?!? You can't say that to your coach. If one of my athletes said that to me, I'd tell them that I don't put anything on their calendar they can't do, and to put on their big girl panties and get it done.
Which is obviously what I need to do. THIS is why I have a coach. And not just a coach, a coach that I'm not totally sure that I'm worthy of. A coach that kind of scares me. A coach whom I will bury myself to try to impress. A coach that is going to ask a lot of me, and a coach that I do not want to disappoint. This is how I'm going to find out how much fitness is untapped, and how much more time there is to gain on the course. This is what I cannot accomplish on my own.
With that realization, I put on my big girl panties and walked down to the basement. Yes, the workout hurt, but it was nothing more than I could handle. Coach always knows best.